A place of quiet comfort

I nervously sat in the waiting room for my name to be called.  My heart was racing so fast I thought it would jump out of my throat.  Thoughts started rushing through my mind “what are you doing here?  You can handle your anxiety in your own way, just get up and leave.”  I was very tempted to listen to that little voice. “If you leave now you can spare yourself from a panic attack.  You’ll be safe once you get out of this building,” I told myself.  Something kept me in my seat.  I don’t know if I was too scared to leave or too scared to stay. 

Just then a short woman with long dark hair and a very kind and caring face came to the desk.  “Andrea” she called.  I jumped up and introduced myself to her.  We went to her office.  The first thing I noticed was how serene and calm it was.  The doctor’s name was Kate and we immediately hit it off.  She asked about my background and my experiences with anxiety and panic.  Please understand that I truly felt like I was baring my soul to her.  It was very embarrassing to openly admit to someone that I had been living with an irrational fear that for all intense and purposes I knew was crazy.  Thoughts ran through my mind “what if she tells me “honey you need to be locked up in a facility?”  However, yet again I knew that in order for me to feel better and get through this situation I had to be very honest.  I could lie but what good would that do me?  I owed it to myself to get through this session.  I equated it to walking through a dark forest.  Yes it was scary and I did not know what completely lied ahead for me, but I did see a bright light in the distance.  All I had to do was get there.  Sure it would be tough at times but I kept telling myself that it would all be worth it.

After I shared my story with Kate I think I ended it with “I’m crazy I know.”  One of my coping mechanisms with my anxiety disorder was humor.  Somehow if I could make people laugh, it calmed me down.  Kate chuckled and said “you are definitely not crazy – far from it.”  Whoa…… wait did she just say I’m not crazy?

Kate went on to explain that I was suffering from an anxiety disorder that millions of people around the world suffer from.  She then discussed the type of therapy that she used to help people like me.  The first thing she explained was that through hypnotherapy she would teach me how to relax my body so that the panic stopped.  She made it very clear that she did not have control over my body and could not make me cluck like a chicken.  Even though I would be guided by her voice to learn the tools and techniques necessary, I would have full control over my body.

The first thing she asked me to do was to get comfortable.  Next I closed my eyes.  Kate asked me to focus on my breath.  She told me “All I want you to do is be aware of your breath.  Tune everything else out.  Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.”  We did this several times.  Once Kate knew that I was in a relaxed state, she told me to picture a place in my mind where I felt safe.  She then asked me to describe that place out loud expressing exactly how it made me feel.  What came next was truly amazing.  In those moments I felt at peace.  No more fear, panic, or knots in my stomach.  No thought of what I was going to do if I could not somehow relax.  No feeling of needing to escape.

I began to describe to Kate a beautiful beach with white sand.  The water was a deep blue green and there were palm trees scattered around.  I was lying on a raft and was moving with the force of the water.  I could feel the warm sun on my body.  There was no one else there - just me, myself and I.  Nothing to fear.  No crowds or perceived danger.  Just sheer bliss.  Kate asked me to describe everything I saw down to the last detail.  As Kate asked me to leave this place – for now – she told me to remember this place of quiet comfort.  She went on to tell me that no matter where I was or what I was doing, this place was always there for me to go to and relax. 

I saw Kate for several more sessions that only reinforced what she taught me the first day.  I had to train myself to understand that anxiety disorders are normal but they can be overcome.  Anytime I felt myself going to that panicky state, I quickly needed to picture myself in my safe place and focus on my breath because in that moment, that was all that mattered. 

I remember leaving Kate’s office after our first visit.  I was on top of the world.  Through hypnosis I had finally reached a place where I no longer felt the horrific feelings of anxiety I had battled for so long.  Don’t get me wrong, it took time, patience, and a lot of hard work to get to a place where my anxiety didn’t overwhelm me and throw me back to ground zero.  But hypnosis taught me that even in the midst of panic and fear I can overcome. 

Next week I will discuss important life lessons I learned from having an anxiety disorder.

Until then,

Andrea

P.S. In regards to safe places, I have several.  It could be the beach described above, my favorite spot up north, or just about any place my mind can take me that brings me comfort and peace.